Sex at menopause is another one of those taboo subjects surrounding midlife. Who knew that women over 40 might want to have sex and enjoy it? And it could lead to them being healthier and happier at home and at work.
There’s a lot of reasons why women might not enjoy sex at menopause. Firstly, there is the tiredness that accompanies leading a busy life and possibly not sleeping well. Then there’s the night sweats that can be a real passion killer. Women’s [and men’s] bodies change with the shifts in hormones and this can lead to a loss of confidence and a reluctance to be seen naked.
Another important reason for a loss of sexual appetite is the change in skin of the vagina due to reduced levels of oestrogen. The skin can get dry and lose it’s elasticity giving rise to painful sex and an increase in urinary tract infections and damage to the wall of the vagina.
My Guest on the show this week, Caroline Chenier is a qualified, accredited MasterCoach and Certified SuperGenius superconscious coach. She is passionate about dealing with issues relating to sex and intimacy. Her mission is to help women create loving, fulfilling relationships in an emotionally safe and comfortable environment.
Caroline shared her story and her top tips for understanding how to improve intimacy, communication and how to emotionally self-heal.
Caroline had a successful 22 year career as a trainer, teaching IT systems.
‘When I was 43 years old, I got divorced and it was like a ball and chain had been cut off of me. At the same time, I reached my sexual peak. My sexual drive went through the roof. It lasted for 8 years and in that time, I explored sex. I learnt lots about men and women and about relationships.
I was ahead of a number of my friends who were going through divorce and having to rediscover dating and starting relationships. I became their source of knowledge.
When I was 53, I realised that my passion was helping women to get their relationships right.’
In 2017 Caroline went backpacking in South Africa. She stayed in hostels and met many new people. She also volunteered on a project that helps women get into work. It changed her and, when she came home, she decided to switch careers. She retrained as a coach.
‘While I was training, I realised that I had never met the love of my life and that it was my sub-conscious conditioning that was stopping me. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to enjoy sex. Once I gave myself permission everything changed.
And then along came menopause and that was the icing on the cake. It was the chance to change attitudes around women having sex over 50.’
Caroline’s Top Tips for a Healthy Sex Life
- Give yourself permission to experiment and have fun with sex.
- Increase your libido by eating foods that have a high zinc content such as apples, nuts and seeds, shellfish, saffron, eggs, and watermelon.
- To maintain healthy skin in your vaginal area, eat foods that contain natural fatty acids such as oily fish, olive oil, linseeds, and avocados. Avoid caffeine and fried foods that can be bad for your microbiome.
- Only use natural products to clean and moisturise your intimate areas. Chemicals can destroy your natural vaginal biome. It’s better to just use water to wash your vaginal area.
- To make sex more comfortable, use a lubricant. Use natural products such as coconut oil, aloe vera, egg whites. Be aware that coconut oil can breakdown the rubber in condoms and sex toys.
- Use essential oils to create a sensuous environment such as sandalwood, ylang ylang and clary sage. Use a carrier oil to put them on your skin, particularly on your pulse points. Put a few drops in bath water. [Test that you or your partner are not allergic to the particular oil before using it.]
- Exercise to keep your body and vaginal area healthy and flexible. Do Kegel exercises for a strong pelvic floor. Pilates for flexibility. Cardio-vascular exercise for stamina.
- Spice up your romantic life. Create date nights. Cook something different for your partner. Wear lingerie that boosts your self-confidence.
And Pat’s tip:
If you want to have sex in your 50s 60s and 70s make sure you are having sex in your 30s and 40s. Don’t get out of the habit of being close with your partner.
For more tips from Caroline go to her Facebook Page.
If you need more support for your wellbeing at menopause contact Pat for a free consultation