Reinventing yourself through relationship transitions

Relationship transitions at midlife can get messy. A significant number of personal relationships breakdown at this stage of life and you might be surprised to learn that women are more likely than men to instigate separations and divorce. But even if you are the person in a couple who wants to move on, how do you do that in a way that has positive outcomes for the rest of your life?

My Guest on Hot Women Rock Radio Show this week was the Founder and CEO of Evana Valle International™.  Evana guides women who are in relationship transition through self-discovery journeys to evolve and flourish, re-evaluating and redefining the next chapter of their lives on their terms.

Supporting many women and going through this herself, Evana uses her proprietary system to help you transform what’s not working to experience a higher level of peace and fulfillment, enabling you to take flight into a new reality you are creating and choosing powerfully.

She shared with me her own experience of relationship breakdown, her physical and emotional journey, and her top tips for women transitioning through relationships at midlife.

Evana’s Story

“In 2017 I was living in Canada.  I was going through an unpleasant relationship split and what I got from that was clarity that I did not want that relationship or that split to define me. I actually wanted to emerge through that into being a better and stronger woman and human with more confidence. That became my driving force and focus, guiding me to make choices during the split and it carries me now.

The more you know peace of mind, the more you know how to be confident. I think there’s actually a parallel with what I am going through now with perimenopause. How do I want to dance with this stage of my life? It’s all intertwined.

When my relationship was breaking-up I realised that I had to be willing to do things differently. I had to be willing to look at how I was making my decisions and were they actually serving me. What was the motivation behind what I was doing?

One of the things I had to do was to pack up and leave the home I had built with my ex-partner. I moved in with my Mom and my sister. I knew that people were going to talk about me. I knew that people were going to have a different opinions about him and about me but whatever. My focus was on being a better, stronger person and staying there in our home was not serving me.

I chose me first. I chose my well-being, my mental health my physical health. But my Mom had a really hard time experiencing me being vulnerable and I noticed myself not being able to grieve, not being able to actually do what I had to do to work through this. Fortunately, I have friends in Costa Rica and when I asked them if I could go and stay for Christmas they said ‘yes’.

When I landed, my friends had gone away on a cruise and that seemed perfect. Within 24 hours a local woman asked me to come with her to Zumba. Normally, I can’t go and dance unless I’ve got a cocktail in my hand but I decided I’m gonna start saying ‘yes’ if I want something different.

That first yes opened my eyes to the world, and, more than anything, opened my heart. That one ‘yes’ put me into the community. It allowed me to receive. I was going to stay for two weeks and I ended up staying for 17 months.

I came to a point in Costa Rica, where I had built my strength, I had built my muscles and I wanted more. It like I felt like I hit my ceiling. So, that led me back to Canada, to clean up what I had left on hold. From there, I decided to move to Italy and do more adventure and more work and more root discovery for myself. And that’s been my evolution

One of the biggest challenges women have is that we can have a propensity to actually lose ourselves, lose our identity and who we are. I remember sitting on the couch in Costa Rica thinking, ‘Great, now what? I put so much investment not only into my relationship with my ex and also family relationships. and here I am facing a clean slate. Who am I?’ And that can be difficult to navigate if you don’t allow yourself the space and the time to reconnect. That’s how nature comes in. Nature is our teacher, it’s our mirror. Nature grounds us. It helps us figure out who we are, we need to be present.

The journey is the relationship with yourself. Part of the relationship with yourself is a relationship with your body, how you treat your body, and how you talk to your body. It is not only about nutrition and exercise, but even your thoughts and your beliefs. I knew that I didn’t want the same relationship coming into my space and so that meant I was the common denominator. I had to put my needs and my priorities first, so I could show up and have a different relationship.”

Top Tips for positive relationship transitions

  • Slow down and allow yourself space and time to reflect and evaluate where you are. You may have been feeling like you are losing yourself and this may feel uncomfortable. Make positive choices to support your progress rather than being stagnant and numbing yourself with shopping, food, wine, or starting to date immediately.
  • Create opportunities to be in a nurturing environment and circle. Who do you trust to share your thoughts and experiences with? Who has your back? What location nourishes your spirit?
  • Focus and do things that bring you joy. Allow yourself to flourish. You could go back to old hobbies that you didn’t have time for previously, or new interests. Start saying ‘yes’ to things you would typically say ‘no’ to.
  • Start evaluating if your choices are based on others’ expectations of you or on living your life (through the choices you make) based on your own values.
  • Allow yourself to receive so that you can be replenished.
  • Use your connection with nature and travel to help you get back in touch with yourself. Walking in nature locally or in a different location can make you more present to your surroundings and put things in perspective.
  • Get back in touch with your body and give it some love. This could be through a physical activity such as Zumba, yoga or Pilates or by having a massage or other physical treatment.
  • Give yourself permission to do things differently. You can do this in three ways:
  1. Do it on your terms.
  2. Prioritize yourself. That is not selfish – it’s selfcare.
  3. Focus on progress, not perfection. Every step you take is important and unfolds the next part of your journey.

The first five people who go to  and complete the contact form adding Hot Women Rock Show in comments will receive an invitation to join Evana on “Launch my Next Chapter possibility call”.

If you need more help with your menopause and symptoms contact Pat Duckworth for a free online chat.

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